Wednesday, November 30, 2005

middle age badass wannabe

I've got no complaints today whatsoever, so far. The sun is shining, I've had coffee on my patio in my jammies, I've knit a few rounds on my next sock, and LMAO (laughed my ass off) reading Crazy Aunt Purl. She is hilarious and I love her honesty. She just tells it like it is. Her post about Thanksgiving is hilarious. And the one about getting healthy is so true. She just quit smoking with the promise to herself to begin again at age 70. She figures she doesn't want to live so long as to end up in diapers so thats a good time to fire up again. Gotta agree. Somethings gotta kill ya. I went over the edge about 4 yrs ago and went from a smokes socially w/alcohol, to a daily smoker. And I do want to quit, every day. Part of the reason I started up again was this desire to do whatever the f*** I want to because I'm a big girl now, and if you don't like me anymore because I smoke, well, say hello to the tall man. Bad attitude? Yeah. But I'm sick of being a people pleaser. I got to a point I didn't really even know who I was anymore because I was busy being this chameleon. Most of my life has been spent trying to please one person or group of people. I lost my sense of self and I forgot how to dream. The other factor in taking up the habit full time was a bankruptcy. That'll do it. Nuff said. So the guilt of this habit eats at me daily. But that first one in the morning is sooo good. You know what I'm talkin' about, yeah you do, former and present smokers. I'm almost to the point where I'm over my middle age rebellion. I still need my tattoo. I did some piercings. The problem with the tatoo is aging well with one. I do not want it to go somewhere where it will either sag into an unrecognizable blob, or stretch like silly putty with a comic print on it. At 41, that cancels out the ass, boobs, tummy. And since I'm hardly Angelina Joli (sp) the arm is out. I'm thinking my ankle or foot. Feet stay pretty much the same, and I do have good legs. Or so I'm told. I know. I finally got it!!!! How about a flaming ball of yarn with knitting needles crossed through it. Maybe little skulls on the ends of the needles just for a little more badass attitude. On my right ankle over my 6 inch scar. Now thats badass. Well, I better go fluff up the house so it looks like I care...LOL. Peace, Love, Knitting !

My brother, (of the multiple E.R. visits) has a multitude of tattoos. Large tattoos. Like a half sleeve on his left arm, a sun covering his right shoulder, and a celtic cross on his entire back. I asked him about the whole aging with a tattoo...his answer was, 'You don't think about that when you get get it because you want it, and it means something to you.'
I want one too...I'm just not good with needles....
Thats true, you aren't supposed to worry about all that. I think seeing wrinkled saggage at the beach on an older woman kinda has traumatized me. Like "could that be me some day?"
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